


Just For Tonight

by ladyhabanera



Series: A Healer's Heart [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Body Image, Body Worship, Cullenlingus, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, Kisses and Cuddles, Oral Sex, Plus Size Inquisitor, Smut, Sweet Cullen Rutherford, author might be projecting a bit, honestly there just needs to be more plus size inquisitors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:57:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyhabanera/pseuds/ladyhabanera
Summary: Haera feels the weight of her title come down on her, and every insecurity surfaces. Cullen is there to love her through it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cullen likes soft ladies, okay? Okay. Glad we settled that.

She looked at herself in the mirror, dressed only in her smallclothes, and thought. She had come so far since she left her clan, her home. She had fallen out of the Fade and been named the Herald of Andraste, the Wife of her father’s Maker. She had seen the face of an enemy bent on destroying the world she loved so dearly. She had led the people of Haven to Skyhold and been chosen as the Inquisitor. She was no longer just the shem mutt of clan Lavellan, hated for the love she had won from the Keeper and the position she had fought for as First. How was it that she had been through so much, done so much?

She grabbed at the soft of her stomach, kneading it and frowning. How could the people look at her and see a fierce leader, their salvation? She was a fat mutt, neither human or elf. Her vallaslin seemed to mock her, a reminder that she didn’t belong to anywhere. How could they believe in her? She pivoted in front of the mirror and stared at the silver streaks along her sides, the dimpled thighs. She scoffed and looked away, out the window towards the sun setting over the mountains. She was charged with keeping that sun setting and rising, keeping the stars in the sky and people alive to watch them at night. She felt that weight settle on her shoulders and crush her chest. 

She couldn’t do this. Not now, not ever. She was going to fail. She’d see her friends, this family she’d put together die. Sera’s bright smile and bubbling laugh would fade. Cassandra’s strength and passion would falter. Iron Bull’s humor would die. Varric would never tell his stories again. Vivienne. Cole. Blackwall. Dorian. Solas. Leliana. Josephine… Cullen… She’d lose everything, everyone.

She felt sick. She sank in front of the mirror and leaned her back to the cold glass, unable to look at herself any longer. Her breath came in short gasps and she curled in on herself. How could she do this? She couldn’t. She couldn’t. 

“Haera?”

Cullen. She bolted upright and scrubbed at her face, diving to cover herself with duvet on her bed. She looked up to see him. He was still in his breastplate even though night was approaching, and he had a stack of papers in hand, most likely reports from the day. His mouth was agape and his cheeks reddened as he stared at her. Her stomach sank. He had seen her, the lumps and stripes and dimples that marked her body. 

He cleared his throat, looking away. “I- I have today’s reports. I thought I’d come see you and deliver them in person. I didn’t know you weren’t decent. I apologize for intruding.”

Haera gripped the duvet tighter around herself. She wanted the Void to open up and swallow her. Maybe she could fall into the Fade, right this minute. “Thank you, Cullen. You- you can leave them on the desk.” She stared at the carpeting till her eyes burned and tears started to well up in her eyes. She tried to blink them back and fought how her lower lip trembled.

“Haera? Love, are you alright?” he asked. She chanced a look at him. His brow was furrowed, warm eyes concerned.

“Yes?” It was more of a question than a proper response. He didn’t looked convinced. “No?”

Cullen approached her,, reports forgotten on the sofa. “What is it? Haera?”

She felt a tear fall onto her hand and closed her eyes to dam the flood. 

“Oh, love.” Cullen closed the distance between them and pulled her to his chest. Haera pressed her cheek to the cold metal of his armor and let her shoulders shake as she wept. He held her tight, murmuring gently to her.

“I’m here, my love. I’m here. Shh, you’re safe. I have you. I have you.”

He walked them back to her bed and sat down, pulling her down onto his lap and wrapping her tighter in the duvet. He took her by the shoulders and had her sit up so he could take off his mantle and unbuckle his breastplate. Haera collapsed back into his chest, nuzzling her face into where his neck met his shoulder. She could smell the soap he used there, the soap she made with elfroot and arbor blessing to help with the pain, and under that the warmth that was just essentially Cullen. She focused on that, letting it ground her to him. He held her through it, murmuring into her hair and gently rocking her until her breath slowed and she let out one last shaky sigh. He kissed the crown of her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into his shirt.

“No, you have no reason to be. What were you thinking about?”

She pressed herself further into him and paused before speaking. “We have so much riding on us. I have so much riding on me. All these lives, all the things that could go wrong, the people I could lose. What if I fail? What if I fail them, what if I fail you? The world is watching me and I’m nothing but…” She trailed off, not wanting to finish.

Cullen leaned back and tilted her chin up to look at her. “But what?” 

She didn’t respond.

“Haera, talk to me, please.”

She mumbled something.

“Haera, you know I couldn’t hear that.”

“A fat shem mutt,” she mumbled, louder this time. “A lazy, fat shem mutt who ended up in the middle of this mess.”

He blinked once, twice. “What- Why ever would you think that?”

Haera looked away. “You had to have seen me when you walked in, Cullen. I don’t look like Sera. I don’t belong with humans, and I don’t belong with the Dalish. I’m too Dalish for the humans. I’m too human for the Dalish, too big, too tall, too fat. And I’m supposed to be the Herald of Andraste? The Inquisitor? The people want someone strong, someone who they can follow with confidence. Like Cassandra.” She sighed, wistful. “She’s so beautiful and muscled and strong, so brave and so passionate. She should be Inquisitor. The people could look to her. Not me. No… not me.”

She felt his arms tighten around her and looked up at him, unsure of what she’d see. If anything he looked… angry. 

“Who told you this? Who put these- these thoughts in your head?” he ground out between his teeth. “I’ll go to them myself, help them... understand their error.”

“What? Cullen, no, no one has said anything to me, not here. I’m saying this as it is.” She was confused. “Why are you angry?”

Some of the tension left his shoulders. “Forgive me. Hearing you say those things about yourself, the woman I love, the dearest person to my heart… It pains me. Why do you think that of yourself?”

“It’s true,” she said simply. “I’m not like my Dalish family. I never knew my human family to know if I’m anything like them, but I know that I’m not like my human friends, not like you or Josie or Cassandra. I’m nothing like my clan, nothing like Solas or Sera. Some among my clan were less than thrilled at my being chosen as First. Laughable, a mutt as Keeper.” She gave a mirthless chuckle. “I’m a mage. What good is there about me?”

He stared at her. She shrank into herself and tried to avoid his gaze. Seconds passed, and she counted her heartbeats, eager to find something else to focus on.

“You daft woman,” he murmured, quietly breaking the silence. “What good is there about you? Shall I tell you?”

“Cullen-”

He tilted her head back to kiss her gently. “You are kind,” he whispered against her lips. “I have watched you risk yourself every day for complete strangers because it pains you to see them hurting. You scoured the Hinterlands for blankets and food for refugees because you couldn’t bear to see them go cold or hungry, and then stayed to ensure that they were well-cared for.” A kiss to her cheek. “You wound when you could kill, subdue when you could wound, and extend your hand when you could subdue. Few have the mercy and compassion that is in your heart. I marvel at it every day. You are a brilliant woman.” A kiss to her forehead. “Maker, if I could only attempt half of what you accomplish so easily. You sing, you play the lute divinely, you dance, you write. You’re a marvelous healer. Some day, you may even best me in chess.” He chuckled low in his chest. “Some day.” He stroked her round cheek with his thumb.

Haera blinked back tears as he looked at her. He smiled.

“There is no woman in Thedas I trust more with the power or magic, no one with more pure a heart to wield it. You use your magic for good, as the Herald of Andraste and our Lady Inquisitor. I’ve seen you heal. Your magic protects. There are times when I feel it about you and even after everything, I never fear it. It is soothing and it brings me comfort. It is so essentially… you.” He reached for her hand and kissed each of her fingers, never breaking his gaze. “You’re Dalish enough, you’re human enough. You’re more than enough, and all I could ever dream or hope for and more. You have my heart, all of it, for what that’s worth.”

Her lower lip wobbled as she fought back tears. She loved this man so much. So, so much. He kissed at her jaw and she let out a giggle as his stubble tickled her neck. Cullen gave her a wicked grin and abruptly turned and flipped Haera onto her back. The duvet fell open and she froze as her covering fell away. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as he loomed over her. 

“What I see is the most beautiful, most tempting, and most devastatingly gorgeous woman in all Thedas,” he whispered reverently. He bent to kiss and nip down her neck and gripped her shoulders. “You carry the weight of the world on these shoulders. There are times when they bend under that weight, but they never break.” He slid his hands down to the meat of her arms. “I’ve seen these arms embrace others in need, carry children back to their families, wield a staff to protect your friends. They are strong.”

She gasped as he kissed her collarbone, past her heart, to the soft of her stomach. 

“I think I love this part of you best. It’s the most vulnerable part of the body, so little to protect it. Yet here I am, touching you and keeping you safe. I can wrap you in my arms and feel the give of your body here. I can lay my head and rest easy. So soft, so smooth. So much to kiss.” He kissed. “And bite.” She gasped as he bit down. “And mark.” He pulled back to grin at her and admire the blossoming bruise.

He fingered the streaks along her sides. “Maker, look at you. You have silverite veins woven into your skin here.” He gripped her hips and nuzzled into her thigh. “You are so strong, so soft, so beautiful, and I swear to the Maker that I will spend every day of the rest of my life reminding you until you believe me, and even after that.”

Haera raised her hands to stroke his hair as his stubble rasped against her thigh. There was a lightness in her chest, something bubbly like the champagne Josephine had her sample before a banquet one night and golden like the sun. Golden like Cullen’s eyes. The tears that fell now weren’t so sad. Haera pulled at his shirt. He rested his chin on her thigh and smiled up at her.

“Kiss me?” she asked.

“Of course.” 

He laid beside her and kissed her deep and soft and slow, pouring himself into her. She relished the scrape of his stubble against her jaw, the give of his lips, the taste of him. He tasted like the tea she made for him, elfroot and honey and sweet. She sighed into his mouth as he stroked her hair back from her forehead and pulled away to brush his nose against hers. He leaned in to kiss her once, twice, before opening his eyes to look at her.

“Hello, love.” His eyes crinkled at the edges when he smiled at her.

Haera pressed her forehead to his. “Hello, vhenan.” 

Cullen rolled to his back and dragged her to her chest. Her head rested above his heart where it beat steadily. It sounded safe. It sounded like home.

“Cullen?”

“Hmm?” His hum rumbled in his chest and through her head.

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

His only response was to tangle his legs with hers, dragging the duvet up over them and wrapping his arms around her. At least for tonight she would forget and believe him. Just for tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haera wakes up to an empty bed, but Cullen's not gone far.

When Haera next awoke it was still dark outside, though her chambers were lit by the moonlight that streamed in through the windows. She sat up and blearily rubbed sleep eyes that were tired from having cried as she had. Considering how strongly she had felt, she felt surprisingly well. The coverlet slid from her shoulders, and she shivered as gooseflesh rose on her skin; the fire had faded to embers in the time she had been asleep and there was a draft from the open balcony doors overlooking the glacier. She had thought she’d closed it earlier in the evening, before Cullen had come to see her. 

She turned and looked at the empty space on the bed next to her, where the pillow and bedclothes were ruffled. Haera fought back a rising sigh of disappointment. She had hoped that Cullen would be beside her when she woke, arms around her and steady heart beneath her ear. _Of course he would have left,_ she thought, _if for propriety’s sake alone. He wouldn’t want to be seen sneaking from my quarters at first light._ She took a moment to imagine the scandal that would surface, something greater than that kiss on the battlements, and chuckled at the thought of Josephine and Leliana scrambling to quell the inevitable rumors that would arise.

Haera swung her legs over the side of the bed and pushed herself up. Realizing she had fallen asleep in her breastband, she unfastened it, then picked up and shrugged on a plush robe that had been slung over the chaise lounge, the blue, embroidered one that Josephine had gifted her. She walked to the open door, meaning to close it, but gasped when she saw Cullen on the balcony, his back to her and his shirt fluttering in the breeze. His forearms were braced against the balustrade as he leaned against it, and Haera took a fleeting second to appreciate the shape of his legs and rear beneath his trousers. Creators above, she was a lucky woman.

She padded out onto the balcony, gritting her teeth at how cold the stone was beneath her bare feet.

“Cullen?” she said softly.

Her voice broke his stillness and he jumped, spinning to face her. “Maker, you startled me. I didn’t realize I had woken you up.”

Haera shook her head. “No, you didn’t. I thought you had left. What are you doing out here? It’s freezing; you’ll catch cold.”

“I don’t sleep well. I never have, especially since the Circle in Fereldan… It helps being outside. The air clears my mind, and it’s better being out in the open.”

“Is that why you have that ungodly, gaping hole in the roof of your office? I thought you just liked getting rained on.”

His eyes crinkled at the corners in a small smile, and he reached forward to take one of her hand in his. He pulled her to him, and she curled in towards his chest. Even in the cold mountain air he was warm, a veritable furnace.

“I wasn’t going to leave tonight.” Cullen’s voice reverberated in his chest beneath her cheek. “Not unless you wanted me to. Do want me to?” He pulled back from her and raised an eyebrow.

Haera resisted rolling her eyes, but only just. This ridiculous man. “Of course not. I had hoped you’d stay with me till morning. Inside. Where it’s _warm_.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t even stop think that you’d be cold. Come, love, let’s go inside.”

He gently nudged her back towards the room. Haera turned and walked to the fire, re-igniting it with a gesture. She heard Cullen close the door with a soft click.

She stood before the fire, warming her toes. “I’m glad you didn’t leave,” Haera said softly, sincerely. 

Cullen came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her soft middle. “I couldn’t - wouldn’t - after I saw you hurting like you were. I would have worried about you all night, wondering if you were laying awake or crying again.” He pressed a kiss into her hair. “I would see that you never feel alone in this, so long as I have anything to say about it.”

Haera hummed and sank into him, laying her arms over his. “I could say the same for you. You know that, right? That as much as you ground me, I hope I can do the same for you.”

He tightened his arms and rocked with her, back and forth, as he had when she cried. She leaned her head back and under his chin and closed her eyes, warm and content. She could have fallen asleep like that, standing up, until she felt Cullen shift to kiss her temple, then down her round cheek and up the pointed curve of her ear. Her shoulders tensed and relaxed in a shiver when he gave the tip a gentle nip.

His arms loosened from around her and his hands dragged down her sides to grip her hips. His lips trailed back down her ear to her jaw, and then he was leaving kisses along her neck. Haera inhaled sharply when his teeth grazed her pulse point and her marked hand flew to the hand on her hip, urging him on. Cullen continued to press open mouth kisses along her neck and to where her collarbone peeked up out of her robe. Her other hand reached up to yank the neck of her robe open to her shoulder, and he bit into the juncture of her neck and shoulder. Haera gasped softly, and spun in his grip to look at him. 

Cullen’s eyes were pools of gold, shimmering in the flickering light of the fire. In them was a heat that Haera felt reflected in her center, and an unspoken question was marked into the gentle furrow of his brow. Their gaze held for a heartbeat, something warm and simmering beneath the surface. Her answer was to step closer and seal her lips to his.

This kiss was nothing like the soft ones he had given her in her sadness. This one was deep but frenzied, as though he was drinking her in, and she, him. His hands stayed respectfully on her hips, but he pulled her closer to mold their bodies together from chest to knee. Haera felt him against her hip, hard and hot. That excited her, to make a man as beautiful as Cullen react that way, to know that she was the one who did that to him despite every fault she found in herself. It spurred her on, and she grasped at the hair at the base of his skull and, with confidence that surprised her, grabbed a handful of his muscular rear. He grunted in surprise against her, but was far from complaining as he rolled his hips against hers. 

Creators, how she wanted this. It had been so long since she’d had anything like this with anyone. There was Mhaenal in her clan, later that woman in Ostwick, but even that had been six years ago. No one had wanted her once she began her apprenticeship as First in earnest. But Cullen… Cullen made her feel good, not like the shem mutt she was with her clan, not even like the powerful Inquisitor. He made her feel like who she was supposed to be, who she was inside. He made her feel like _Haera_. 

She parted from him for a moment, sliding her hands up his back and around to rest over his heart. “Cullen, I want this with you, so much, right now. I need to know that this is what you want, too.”

He leaned so that his forehead was touching hers, and looked her in her eyes. “Maker’s breath, yes. Everything I have to give, it’s yours.” He moved forward to kiss her, slower this time, but just as deep.

That warm feeling was back in her chest and she poured herself into their kiss. If only he knew how completely he had her heart. They had already exchanged _I love yous_ , but this was something entirely different and new. Sex could be just sex, she knew that, but when it was him and when she had his love… It was beautiful.

Haera pushed against him, backing him up to the bed, but at the last second Cullen turned and eased her onto her bed, on her back. She pulled him down onto her, savoring the weight of his body on hers. Her legs fell open, and Cullen settled in between them, his hard length pressing at her core through his breeches. He pulled back and took hold of the ties of her robe.

“May I?” he breathed.

She nodded. He tugged the robe’s ties loose, and she freed her arms from the sleeves. Even with the fire, the room was still cold and her nipples pebbled against the chill. Over her, Cullen groaned and glided a hand down her neck to weigh a breast in his hand.

“Maker’s breath… You’re… You’re even more beautiful like this.” He leaned forward and traced her areola with his tongue before grazing his teeth over her nipple. His lips followed the same path he had traced earlier that evening, and he paused to kiss the bite he had made over the silvery lines on her stomach. His hands had come to rest on her hips, fingers playing with the edges of her smallclothes. He looked up at her, uncertain, and she grabbed his hand, hooked his fingers in her smallclothes, and pulled down. He drew them down her legs and discarded them somewhere behind him.

Haera kept her legs open despite wanting to snap them closed. Cullen’s eyes trailed down her body and focused on the apex of her thick thighs. He moaned and squeezed his cock through his breeches, and hooked her leg over his shoulder. He mouthed his way up the inside of her thigh, avoiding where he knew she wanted him, up to the paunch of her stomach, and back down the other thigh. 

She pressed her foot into the small of his back, bucking her hips up. “Cullen,” she whined, “please.”

He smiled against her skin. “I’m enjoying myself here, love.”

“I’m sure you could enjoy yourself just as much by giving me what I want.”

Slowly, he kissed his way back up to the juncture of her hip and thigh. “Hmm? And what would that be, I wonder?”

“ _Cullen_.”

He chuckled against her and finally, _finally_ , put his mouth on her dripping core. Haera let out a breathy sigh as Cullen licked a broad stripe up the length her. He returned to her opening and drank in her arousal as he fucked her open with his tongue. Creators above, this man. The sight and sound of him between her legs was so beautiful, so erotic; she needed to touch him, and she reached down to clutch at his curls. He moaned loudly when her nails scrapped his scalp, and he returned to seal his lips over her clit with vehemence. He slid a finger into her and curled up.

“Oh, oh, Cullen,” Haera breathed. “Yes, like that. Give me more, _vhenan_.”

He easily slid a second finger in with the first, gliding in time with the circles he drew on her clit. His other hand kneaded her ample rear, and the heat in her center grew and grew. 

“Cullen, oh, I’m going to come, love. Cullen-” 

“Yes, Haera, come for me.” His voice was low, and his eyes were focused intently on her face. “Let me see you. Come, Heara.” She bit off in a gasp as he quickened his pace, fingers curling into _that spot_ over and over. 

And then the cord holding her back snapped, and Haera was coming with a series of whispered ohs. He didn’t let up until she keened in sensitivity, and then kissed her fluttering entrance and back up her body. He put his mouth on hers, and on his tongue she could taste herself. She sighed contentedly, and he pulled back to look at her. His chin was shiny with her slick when he smiled almost shyly at her.

“I, ah, was that good?” he asked.

Haera brushed a curl away from where it had fallen over his forehead and smiled back at him. “Mmm,” she hummed in affirmation. “It was more than I could have ever imagined.”

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been dreaming of that for some time now,” Cullen confessed. “Of course, I had planned for you to be in _my_ bed, looking at the stars when I tasted you for the first time.”

She kissed him. “There’s always time for that.” She drew him down onto her, wanting to feel the pressure of his body. His covered cock brushed against her core, and he grunted softly as he rolled himself against her. 

Haera grinned. She hooked a leg over his hip, used her weight to flip him onto his back, and ground down onto him. “Of course, we have this time now, and I have something I’d _love_ to do for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first time in my life I've written any kind of smut. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but I started writing this chapter and it just fit well with the one before it. Debating whether to add a third chapter where Cullen gets some in return. Anyway, I had fun with this.


End file.
